She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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