She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
