yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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