Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that

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(734): View more from Michigan

Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Where did you get a picture of my penis

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(417): View more from Missouri

My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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(661): View more from California

I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

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(907): View more from Alaska

I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.

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(404): View more from Georgia

It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum

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(567): View more from Ohio

Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?

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