i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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