THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
