you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize