And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
