Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
