Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
