I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
