Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize