I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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