He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
