Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
