i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
