He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
