I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
