The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
