I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
