just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize