He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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