im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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