Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
