Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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