I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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