i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
