I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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