one might say we're banned from that church
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
