he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my liver is dry heaving
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
