sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i think i have two assholes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
