she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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