i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
