Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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