i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
