How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I am morally bankrupt
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
