sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
