the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
