Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
