haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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