i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize