i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
