If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
