just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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