sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i drank out of a bidet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
