guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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