yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
