Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
