Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
