I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
