At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
