Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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