I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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