i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize