I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
