you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
they're like a gay fantastic four
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
