it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
