you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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