Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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