Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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