can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
