It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Success! We fucked roommates!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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