if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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