6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
zippers are such a cool invention
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
