Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
