I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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