He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
