hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
