Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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