so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
