You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
