im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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