i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
