Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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