Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
