I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
