i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
