His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
