i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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