This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
