Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
