please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
