shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
