I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize