i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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