I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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