to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
