everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
