"it" just moved
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
