there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
