I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
