first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
