I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
