I will die if light touches me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
