I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize