she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
