I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
