"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
