take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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