I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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