I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
