you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
