the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
