Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize