non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
