i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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