just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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