College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
