evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you traded sex for a burrito?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
