Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
