By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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