She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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