"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize