he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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