it wasn't lemon gatorade
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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