Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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