A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
