put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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