The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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