I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize