That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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