i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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