Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I party with great urgency now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
