Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
