he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
